Things have been progressing this week. Things have gotten busier, I’ve made quite a lot of progress on my healing journey, have done a lot of processing with my sister. It’s Friday, and for some reason today I am reflecting. Not just on this week, but the last couple weeks and how much has transpired. I’ve stood up for myself by expressing when something was bothering me. This shifted the entire dynamic in my friendship. Something that was needed because honestly resentment was forming inside of me. I had to address it. I was informed this morning that I am ready to close on my Home Equity Loan. If you have been reading along, last weeks debacle was trying to figure out how to consolidate and pay off my revolving debt in the best way possible. I’m finalizing that tomorrow with my signature in the branch. Work was slow for awhile, and I’m in a new position and a new company for the first time in 15 years. I have now completed over two months, and last week I was getting a bit down on myself. I got two “no’s”, it’s nearing the end of the month, I was worried I was going to fail quite honestly. But this week started with a huge sale, and since then I’ve been working on an acquisition. One that will put my name on the map in this new company, this alone will allow me to establish credibility. This is in my wheelhouse. Simplifying a chaotic process is my specialty.
I was starting to get wrapped up in the tornado of my friends life and drama and complaints and it was draining me. I had to do a reality check with myself. Truthfully, I’m not resentful towards her, everyone is allowed to have their own feelings and handle their own situations and their own life in their own way. The biggest thing I’ve learned in the past couple of weeks is that the most important thing to me is that every single day I live for me. I’m not obligated to do anything. I don’t need to ask for all the details. I can wish someone well if they are going through a hard time, but also establish a boundary on being their listening ear. I don’t have to abandon myself. In fact, I cannot abandon myself. There’s no one else that cares what I have to take care of. There’s no one else here to hear about my daily ups and downs or little wins. Or big ones. Unless I share them of course. But I don’t want to rub it in. I just keep it all to myself. And really in the end what I’m learning is that my silence is kind of beautiful. My life and its details are something that I can enjoy. That no one else has to be a part of if I choose not to share my experience. There is so much power in not needing to vent or to express. There is so much power in keeping to yourself. I’m not saying to never let anyone in, but what I suppose I’m saying is to listen more than you share and watch your world change.
These are just some thoughts I’m having this morning as I’m smiling to myself. Happy for the progress I’ve made, knowing clearly what goals I’ve set. Enjoying this moment. Not needing to tell anyone I know. It feels so good to know that being proud of myself is all the motivation I need to keep going.
The Girl Without A Face 