The Girl Without A Face

Well, we’ve made it home safe and sound. It feels good to be back. We took the red eye late Wednesday night and arrived back home at 10am yesterday. Of course my sleep schedule is now a bit of a mess, I slept until 4pm yesterday. I knew that might be a problem, especially when I couldn’t fall asleep until 3:30am last night. That’s ok though my body is adjusting, and I’m lucky enough to have the rest of the week off work to recover. Even Monday. I planned it that way with the holiday. So I woke up late, much later than normal. I made my coffee, logged into work for a few minutes before I showered and ran my errands. My boss sent an email with end of the month stats, apparently I ended the month at 122% to my quota. I couldn’t believe it. Then I had to get ready to go to my son’s school to pick up his schedule, we talked for a few minutes first as he showed me the drawing he is currently working on. He’s been drawing these incredible fashion designs and he’s working on a dress right now that has envelopes and letters mixed in. With the seals on the shoulders, you know the ones you melt and press? It’s incredible, and I can see the designer in his sketches. Before I left we talked about maybe him pursuing fashion design in college. He’s going into 11th grade this year, but I’ve been doing my best to expose him to the things he is interested in so he can decide what to do next. Hence, why we chose to visit Los Angeles.

So I went to the school, talked to his Vice Principal for a bit. I almost missed the 1pm deadline, but thankfully he decided to stay late. No need for me to stress about it. I ran to the bank and the grocery store, and I’m so calm. Because now that I’m back in my element everything seems so incredibly easy. I got to thinking about habits and comfort zones.

This trip pushed me in the ways that I needed it to, and I’ve tried to recognize that throughout my time there. Take moments, deep breaths, make sure I’m taking it all in. But the reality is, the growth from traveling really comes in the aftermath of the trip. I’ve come home and been able to view myself, my house, my habits, differently. I can see now where I’ve become incredibly rigid. I see that it’s ok to get things done in bits. I don’t need to run through my entire list before my mind can relax. I can do things one thing at a time. Also, I see where I can push myself a bit more. Where maybe I can adjust my diet and my activity level. That maybe I was lying to myself a little bit before when I told myself I was doing all I could for my health. I see where I want to push myself a bit more. I see my goals a little more clearly. I see that I was a little too addicted to caffeine. That I’m ok without it. That I won’t pass out if I don’t constantly have water with me (yes, that is a quirk I developed from my anxiety. To constantly need to have a drink with me).

I guess the point is, traveling can be a bit stressful. Kind of messy. Imperfect. You aren’t necessarily always smiling. But you’re pushing yourself and your limits. You’re going outside of your comfort zone. You’re figuring things out as you go. Learning to push through anxieties or setbacks that come up. Traveling is filled with teachable moments for yourself. So yes, it can be expensive. Maybe a little scary. But the funny thing is when I look back I see it was executed almost flawlessly. Most of the anxiety I experienced was caused by me, in made up scenarios in my head that never happened. I’m the one responsible for my suffering. But I can learn from it, grow from it, form better, healthier habits. Become a better mom. One of the things that I’ve learned is it’s important to shake everything up once in awhile. Give yourself a new perspective. See what you want to come back to after you’ve gone away. What you will keep doing, what you will improve, what no longer serves you. It’s hard to see where you’ve been holding yourself back when it’s in your day to day routine. I’m so grateful for the ability to go traveling.