Well, it’s almost back to school time. My son only has two more years to go, and even though we have a few weeks until school starts I want to make sure all my ducks are in a row. We’re going on a semi-long vacation in just a few days, and I am trying to call the school to make sure everything is set up properly. It is always a messy process, and one I have always done alone. His father has not once been involved from Kindergarten until now. And as I’m writing this I’m embarrassed to say I just cried on the phone to the transportation department about bussing. I can’t wait until he graduates from the public school system.
My son is in no rush to drive and thats fine with me, but at the end of the school year last year we had to opt into bussing for the first time. I checked the box, signed the form, sent him on his way. I had a feeling it would get lost, there would be some sort of problem I’d have to deal with along the way. The thing is throughout last year there would be times my son would text me that his bus just never showed up, I am lucky enough to work from home so I’d leave my home office to go get him. But it is nice to have the option for him to take the bus home, it is difficult to have to stop the workday, everyday, for a half hour to fight traffic in a bus loop to get him and drive home. It seems much easier to drop him off in the morning and have him take the bus home most days. He never complains. He has friends that take the bus with him. It is what it is. As soon as I submitted the form I knew there would be a problem, I view public school like a corporation now even more that I’m a mom with a child in the system. We live in the only state that requires Regents exams to pass the class (I think at least). He got a 64 on one last year, one point away from passing. I got an email that he failed. I called his teacher. “Well, I think it would be best if he retook this test, but he passed the class so he’d only have to come back in August and retake it. But talk to the counselor and look at your options”. So I called the counselor. “Well we can just submit an exception request to change the grade to passing if you want”. “Will that effect anything”? I said. “Not as long as they change it on his record”, she said. I also learned that even if he didn’t retake the exam he would still graduate with Regents. “What would happen if I didn’t ask?”, I thought. There was also the time during covid where it was more difficult to pick classes because the counselors weren’t as readily available. So the classes were picked for you. My son had his 3rd year of Spanish that next year. Then the next his 4th. Halfway through last year he talked to his counselor about classes for this year, she said, “Oh, you should take Spanish again”. So he came home that day with Spanish on his class list for the fifth year straight and I said why are you taking that again? “The counselor said I had to”, he said. That didn’t seem right to me, so I emailed her and asked. “Oh, he doesn’t have to take it. It’s not a requirement. But it will look really good for college”, she said. I told her to take it off and add in another art class.
I’ve gone off on them several times, and I’m not proud of that fact. But there is nothing that infuriates me more than wasted talent. I said to them, “Do you even know what an amazing artist he is”? No. They don’t. Because he hasn’t had art class in school in two years. Luckily, I signed him up for art lessons when he was 9 and he has been going weekly ever since. He is extremely talented, but none of them have ever even noticed.
They have however noticed his ability to get good grades. So they put him in AP classes and tried to coerce him into continuing Spanish to boost their own funding. What I’m trying to say is the public school system doesn’t give a fuck about the kids. And as a mom there are very few things in this world that infuriate me more. It is not designed for them to thrive, in fact it’s more like a prison. They expect the parents to react negatively if any feedback is given. They don’t expect a parent to question what they are doing, and I know this because I’ve been told this by them. The sad thing is I’ve been told for years I’m more involved than most. Most parents are too trusting. I also was a rebellious kid for a reason.
Anyways, I escalate my request for bussing just like I would with any other business. If you don’t you won’t be heard. Unfortunately, that’s how this world works. So when I’m told that my son can get a bus but he will now have to walk a half mile home, even in the middle of winter, because of an issue on their end with paperwork, I ask to speak to the director for the department of transportation. Normally I would not shed a tear in this process, I know the deal. Escalate, treat it like a business transaction, 9 times out of 10 it works. But today something different happened, I’ve softened a bit. I started crying because we’re not talking about business, were talking about my kid. How heartless of them, me as a single mom, just trying to do my due diligence. Make sure everything is set up properly, to then just be brushed off. So I softened my shell and let my true emotions out. The pain I felt to be dismissed when I’m just trying to survive out here by myself.
The second person I spoke to responded to me with kindness. She said I would get a call back, and I’ll have to wait to know the outcome. This is progress for me though, whether it looks like it or not. Even though I can act tough as nails, the cruelty of the world pains me inside. Maybe it’s time to soften myself while also speaking my truth.
The Girl Without A Face 