I am winding down from my second full week of this new job. It’s starting to feel more comfortable, I’m starting to get used to the people. The fact that I don’t know what I don’t know. That I need to be willing to ask questions, have patience. Even though I want to go full speed ahead, it’s actually better this way. The fact that I’m being trained. I actually like what I’m doing for the first time in so long.
I was thinking earlier about what motivated me to get into leadership in the first place. It actually had nothing to do with me really. It was the abuse I experienced under a terrible boss that fueled me to want to be a better leader for others. Understand how it worked. How and why could something like this happen to me? I needed answers. I had to understand why there was no accountability.
So I easily got into leadership at this company. And I don’t say that to toot my own horn. I was a high performing employee and I interviewed well, and well I guess the stars aligned for my first leadership job. And I found that there were a lot of employees that got away with a lot. They got away with treating others poorly, even their boss. I learned how different we all are. Yet similar at the same time. I learned when to tell when someone had already left the company mentally, vs. someone that maybe just needed a confidence boost. I learned how it worked above me too. I learned how exhausting it was, and how much time was wasted spent in meetings. Or on things that didn’t really matter. I learned that sometimes the bigger the title the bigger the ego. I learned when to keep my mouth shut, when change was a lost cause. When ideas and questions were not welcomed. Just head nods. But after all the years I spent in management I realized today one question still remained. How did he get away with it?
Sometimes there aren’t answers for these things. Sometimes you just have to let them go, chalk them up to experiences that made you who you are. I can tell you that the boss I had was 10x worse than Michael Scott. He was abusive in so many ways. He broke me down, but also gave me so much fuel to get away and prove him wrong.
I guess it’s just one of those things you look back on. Those pivotal moments, the people that have such a huge impact on the choices you make. I would have never, ever gotten into leadership if it wasn’t for the way he treated me. But then I wouldn’t have found the confidence to get into sales. And I wouldn’t be where I am now. Finding myself. And I realized I kind of love the chase, the up and down. The nature of having a sales job. It’s really pretty exciting. That abusive boss helped me form the thick skin I would need to excel here.
I guess it’s funny. If you look back and reflect on some of the hardest times in your life I wonder what connections you’ll find. Where that darkness brought you. It always seems like somehow you are guided back towards the light. If you just have a little faith and you look at it right.
The Girl Without A Face 