I woke up early and went to the gym this morning. Already Sunday, but I’m not dreading Monday. Sure I have a few nerves here and there about how the week will go, but overall I’m excited to get more used to my role. More in the groove, less new. I know I can do this and be successful, and lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how everything is just a mindset shift. How you can accomplish so much with just your thoughts, keeping your options open. Telling yourself you can. I’m not saying that this is the only thing you have to do, you have to also put the work in. You can’t expect to put your dreams out there into the world and have the world hand them back to you. But you can start by thinking them into existence. I heard awhile back someone say something like, “What we do and think now is who we will be six months from now”. And that really stuck with me. I remember six months ago I really felt stuck in some unhealthy habits, and focusing on eating healthier and quitting smoking felt impossible. But look at me now. I’m running 6 days a week, I quit smoking just over 6 weeks ago. I stopped eating fast food. I’m much more mindful about what I put in my body. I’m actually practicing self care. Doing things that I enjoy, along with things that will feed my mind, body and soul.
So I was leaving the gym this morning, and normally since it’s Sunday I would tell myself I have to make it home right away. To get started on the day. Clean, organize, be as productive as possible. But as I was driving I did something I never do, I went off schedule, I took a right and I parked outside of Barnes & Noble. Now I got a $5 gift card (I know that’s not going far) last week and it’s been on my mind to use it. Not at the top of my list of priorities by any means, but nevertheless somewhere sitting in my mind. I told myself when I had the time I could stop there and peruse the books even though I have several in line and I’m in the middle of two. But I walked in and I casually took my time reading the back covers. I picked up two, but I continued on my search to see if there were any others that caught my interest. It was still early so the store was quiet, I didn’t feel pressure, there was no anxiety. It was just me, surrounded by books. Like a dream. My happy place. And after my purchase, as I drove home, I realized I had never done something like that for myself before. Sure, every once in awhile I’d allow myself to go in the bookstore. Maybe if I was shopping for someone else, and then I would allow myself to buy something too. But never just for me. Never just on a random Sunday morning. Taking my time. Just browsing.
This is what getting out of survival mode feels like.
The Girl Without A Face 