Its a really interesting feeling to feel new again. Its kind of revitalizing. You somehow don’t know anything, and you are left with learning a million new things again. My goal has always been to get up and running as quickly as possible. To be the overachiever, to go above and beyond. Only in recent years did I learn the benefits that came along with being the observer as well.
When you’re new you aren’t expected to know everything, but I am constantly asking questions and wanting to get moving. I’m more uncomfortable in the anticipation than I am just struggling through my first few weeks of actually doing it on my own. I want to feel useful. I had four hours of hands on training this morning, and then this afternoon it was more laid back. At my own pace. I even finished ELearning and found out I get company swag. It’s the little things I guess. I felt so overworked and undervalued for so long that I became bitter over time. I hate to admit it but deep down I was becoming one of those employees I didn’t like. But now I’m on boarding with fresh eyes and it’s refreshed my stare. I’m excited for what’s to come, the benefits of working here.
The best part of all this is if I’m wrong, and it turns out to not be all I think it is, I know I’m capable of leaving and going somewhere else like I just did. I’m never stuck, I will never again feel the weight of that on my shoulders. To know I gave years of my time to a company and have that be the string that’s holding me from walking away when it’s time to leave.
I am on day two of a new job and for the first time in years and years and years I feel like I can truly breathe. I feel free. I feel appreciated and encouraged. I feel like a human being. I feel valued for my knowledge and my want to learn quickly and dive right in to the job duties. I feel appreciated. And it hasn’t even been a week.
God it feels good to leave a toxic, abusive company.
The Girl Without A Face 