I have a whiteboard calendar on the wall in my kitchen. Each month I erase the days, keep the filling in the squares that stay the same. Art lessons for my son are always on Wednesdays. At the top of the calendar, I of course write the month were in, but also as a person who loves words it seems fitting that every month I also choose a quote to go along with it. Usually when I think of the quote it just comes to me, it’s something simple. Something that’s already been a theme for me that week that I’m changing over the calendar. For this month it’s, “If not now, when?” It got me thinking again.
I finished up my first day at the new job today. And all I’ll say is after 15 years at the same place, how refreshing. I felt like a person who mattered for the first time in years. I was told, “Great first day!” By my boss when it was the easiest day I could’ve asked for. I no longer have the weight, the crushing responsibility, to hit an astronomical number with impossibly low resources. You would think that I would be stressed or nervous to learn a new job at a new company, but I’m not. Considering where I just came from I know I’ll be just fine. And what if I stayed? I could’ve easily justified that. I mean I already did for over a decade even though I was constantly treated like shit. I could’ve stayed until retirement, and then what? I could tell myself, “Oh, well at least you had a stable income your whole life. Who cares if you were miserable.” No. I don’t want that, I’m mad I even put up with it for as long as I did.
I believe in myself finally as everyone else should. And I think that’s the problem, that’s how they get you. They feed into your insecurities and make you think that you need them. I’m talking about the big corporations, when you work for them that is. But the thing is, once you finally leave, that’s when you see how toxic it is. That’s when you see what an impact it makes, that’s when you see how unhappy you were. You don’t truly see it when you’re in it, you just learn how to deal with it day to day until those days become years and those years become your life and all of a sudden you realize you’ve been miserable the whole time.
The point is I know I’m not the only person who is or was miserable at their big corporate job. I know this because I have talked to many others just like me on a daily basis for years. It’s easy to stay because of the security, but what security does it really provide? The fact that they won’t lay you off but they will give you barely livable wages as they keep growing in size? Once you are miserable, move on is my point. It is a little scary, a little uncomfortable, but it has been one of the best decisions of my life. And if I didn’t make this decision now, then when? Never? Tomorrow? Ten years down the road? Why not now. There is no reason you should ever settle for miserable.
The Girl Without A Face 