I’m even getting sick of myself saying it, but leaving a company after 15 years is a big deal. It feels like the end of an Era. I wonder how I wouldve felt if I wouldve stayed till retirement knowing how unhappy I’ve been for years. I’ve realized over the past several days that I’ve spent years moving to different positions within the same company, I suppose to try to find the right fit, but at the end of my time in the role I would get to the point of almost desperation to get out. I could go into detail about all of the times I feel I was treated unfairly at this company, how my most abusive boss told me (while still in the office) in the middle of the hallway, “You make the least amount of money on this team”, as he towered over me. He also told me how he lost his virginity, how he slept with 30 women in 30 days as a challenge during his college years. He offered my teammate drugs on a Friday afternoon to relax (just Valium, not that bad I guess).
He told me that he was giving me a promotion within the team for all of the work I put in on a project that caused me to work all hours of the night, 1am, Saturdays in what they call a “war room” in corporate speak. All while on salary, so no overtime pay. Our 1:1’s consisted of him berating me in a small room for hours. So he finally told me he put my promotion in, more pay finally, then he went on vacation. While he was gone his boss decided to meet with me. I told him I was happy, so nice I was finally getting that extra pay and title change! He had no clue what I was talking about. Luckily, I had an email exchange to back me up. So that’s how I got the promotion I had been waiting over a year for. My boss got back and brought me in a room. He told me that no one in our 500 person department would think that I would deserve it once the announcement went out. I unfortunately let a silent tear fall as he told me how awful I was.
It proceeded to get worse from there, and thats just one example of the abuse I received at this company. I tried several times to get help from his superiors only to be shot down, made to feel like I was the problem. This eventually drove me to want to get into leadership, I was an analyst when I experienced this treatment. I went for a leadership role and got the first one, this was 5 years ago. All within the same company. I didn’t think to leave, told they were stable. I mean they are a HUGE well known corporation.
So now, 15 years, countless stories of how awful I have been treated. Almost not like a person, but someone that produces and therefore needs to produce more, I finally get to leave. Put in my two weeks notice. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t contemplate what I would say once I had an exit interview, but I eventually decided I didn’t want to burn a bridge. Since I hadn’t left a company in 15 years I didn’t necessarily know how it worked, but I figured someone from HR would call. See why I had left after so long. Thank me for my service.
Instead, after all this time. All the dedication and passion and tears and energy I have bled into this company. 15 whole years of my life, all the sleepless nights, I receive an email. The subject line: “Tell us about your experience!” with a 3 minute survey. Were you satisfied, neutral, unsatisfied? As if I just bought a pair of shoes. It was eye-opening.
I will never again let a company have that much of a negative impact on my life and then choose to stay. I wish more people could see that the big corporation they work for could care less about them. There are a million jobs out there, and these days loyalty means nothing.
The Girl Without A Face 