The truth is, most of the time, my imagination is wilder than reality. Now there are exceptions, things that happen that I couldn’t imagine. More or less I am referring to the outcomes of the pre-planned scenarios. I recognize part of living with anxiety is to prepare for anything. I guess one positive is the wild imagination.
I realized after I told my team I was leaving, after years of working together, what was the worst thing that could happen? Even if they were disappointed, they all reached out separately, said congratulations. Now it’s not really my problem. How they feel about it. That may sound harsh, but it’s not my responsibility. As the kids say, I’m stepping into my main character energy. Doing what’s best for me. And its not that I’ve never followed my gut before, but this time feels different. Like part of me is really changing. The parts I didn’t want to bring along to the next chapter have died, new parts awakened. Growing into someone I am proud of, realizing how success is defined for me as an individual.
I think its important to look internally and see what aspects of yourself you’d like to work on, and then act on those qualities in your reality. Do the things that scare you as they say, you’ll be happy that you did. This last position challenged me in ways I can’t begin to describe, I would never want to relive.
When I look back, I am doing it fondly. I built confidence. Incredible strength. Appreciation for the little things that bring me joy in the day. The understanding that I can get through anything that is thrown at me in this life. The fact that I fought for my place. That even though I’m leaving this position, in the bigger picture during this time I chose to stay.
The Girl Without A Face 