So the day goes on, and it’s time for the gym. Going alone, my friend couldn’t make it. Completely ok, obviously. I need to be ok by myself in public. I need to get back to who I was before this breakdown. And going to the gym alone is part of the process. So of course I go and who do I see? The chance encounter from my past that I saw after reading our emails (from 3 years ago) last week.
I begin my treadmill run and I’m filled with anxiety, is he looking at me? I feel so much more vulnerable while I’m here all alone. I’ve gained weight, aged a couple years. But hey, at least I’m here, does that count?
My routine is 30 minutes on the treadmill, 30 minutes on the elliptical. But he doesn’t know that. When I’m done with the first part of my workout he’s still there, on the elliptical, and inside I start to panic. There are three rows, and he’s in the second, I can’t go in front of him. The whole time I’ll be distracted. By my thoughts, is he staring? But I can’t go in the same row as him. So I opt to go for my last option and end up DIRECTLY BEHIND HIM.
As I’m finishing my workout I think of how awkward this seems, so I inevitably wonder how this will pan out. Will he see me? Will he say hi? Will he scream “STALKER” and walk out?
So he finishes up just a few minutes before me, and I look and him, smile (the one with no teeth). Nothing. Ok…..so then he looks back again. This time I actually say “Hi” and he gives me the half smile in return. After a few stretches he walks away, just a minute left now, then I’m bolting. I get to my car and sent a quick text (tomorrow 9am I get to finally quit in case you’re curious).
I back out and start to leave and there he is. Standing stoically by his car, door unopened. And then he glances at me, and I glance back. Honestly at this point I don’t even care. This person is someone who approached me during my first training at my company, now 15 years ago. Asked if I’d like to go together to the company cookout. We dated briefly, and I was so excited that I could be a normal girl for a change, but once he learned I was a single mom (among other things), he told me it wouldn’t work out. Maybe all these years I was living in the fantasy he’d come around.
So 10 years went by, and then when I became a leader I moved into a new building and there he was. And we picked up where we left off. Well, verbally that is. This time we never dated though I secretly held out hope that we would.
So now, three years later, after not speaking again, he turns up. Randomly. At my gym. And I’m getting kind of mad honestly as I drive home. Who does he think he is? He can’t even say hi? We’ve literally at least known of eachother for 15 years. Whatever, have a nice life.
And then I get home, and I check my phone, and there’s a message from him. “Odd question”, he says. “Did I just see you at the gym”?
The Girl Without A Face 