So today was the day. Monday morning. The day I’ve been waiting for since last Wednesday. Time to rip off the bandaid. I woke up early with excitement, ready to head into my new life. I logged in much earlier than I normally would and immediately messaged my boss. “Can we talk”?
“Of course” she said. And as we got on the video call she preceeded to confirm my suspicions. The system is broken. For mental health that is. I get it, I learned that first hand. She’s now learning it through the eyes of a loved one. I could see she was holding back tears as she was speaking. We’ve become close, my boss and I, enough where she feels comfortable sharing this insight into her life. Or maybe she would share it regardless, either way I had to figure out how to transition the conversation. To the fact that I was leaving. Handing in my notice.
When I calmly said the words I saw her physically react. We talked for a few minutes after that. “Well, it must be the money”, she said. And of course I agreed. In that moment I decided it wasn’t worth it to air my grievances. I’d keep my bridge in tact. No use in burning it down when I’ve already lit the match. The control is in hand I guess is what I’m trying to say, so I chose to keep the real reasons for leaving to myself.
So I could see I clearly caught her off guard, she told me not to tell my team, she let me know she would discuss next steps with her boss. So I sat there and waited, told the few work friends I have left I was leaving. Told a couple third party vendors I work with, let them know to still use discretion. The team doesn’t know yet. Prepared a message to my employees work best friend, the one that passed away. I want to make sure to send him a message to let him know to reach out if he needs anything. I’ve been anticipating all these steps for days, wanting to make sure I didn’t miss anything. And then an hour passed and I get the call again from boss. Although this time her video isn’t on.
She let me know that they were still working through the transition, talking through the details. To just call in sick again. Tomorrow we can meet with the team to tell them. My heart sinking, I say ok. Let me know if you need anything else from me!
So now I start the week with more possibilities. Will there be a counter offer? Do they really not want to lose me? Are they really that desperate to keep employees? Because really as soon as you say you’re leaving in this way access should be cut off, but it’s not. They trust me – my boss, my boss’s boss. And that great, a compliment I would say. Except now it feels like I can’t quite move on from here. So I guess we’ll wait until tomorrow.
The Girl Without A Face 