Irony is not lost on me. In fact it’s one of the things I love most about life. When things come full circle, when you don’t really understand why at the time something is happening in a certain way but then as it unfolds it all makes sense when you look back. That’s how I feel within these past two days. I’ve worked through things on my end, I’m still working through them. I wouldve resigned right then and there on Wednesday, but I had to get that one call from my doctor and I panicked. I didn’t want to lose my insurance just two days before my appointment. I reached out to the only person I knew who would know for sure. Someone I could trust. My sister. The problem was that on that very day she was flying out to the west coast, traveling to the very place that I want to move two years from now.
So without her HR background and confirmation I wouldn’t lose insurance immediately, I just did what I knew I could do. Call in. Then come Monday, after my appointment, I would be able to immediately resign properly. She sent me a voice memo late last night that I listened to this morning. Don’t worry, you’ll have insurance through the end of the month. Go ahead and resign! Congratulations! But now it’s too late, my new plan is in motion. And then I realized that there could be a bigger reason that things are working out this way. Am I witnessing karma unfolding?
Now, I want to preface this with the fact that I did not have this intention. On my end I’ve had to work through the anxiety of calling in. The possible repercussions. The guilt of knowing I wouldn’t be back, but doing what I needed to do. What was best for me. To make sure I was covered (even though come to find out it wasn’t necessary).
Last week into this week, my boss has been unexpectedly out of the office. Without giving too much detail someone they love is going through a mental health crisis. I only know this because of the conversations we’ve had, the relationship we built over the last year and a half since I’ve been back, and now what I know about why they’ve been out. To me, what was even more interesting was the timing of all this. Remembering back to November 2020 when my body started to give out physically. Then my mind went along with it. I was completely shutting down. And from this same person, my boss, I didn’t receive one ounce of compassion. I remember going through a Rollercoaster of emotions, anger being one of them. And having to overcome the shame and embarrassment when I was set to return 3 months later.
Now again, this is just how I feel, that it’s ironic – the timing, the circumstances. How the story will end two years later. It feels karmic. And who knows, maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s just coincidence. I do feel badly for them, I wouldn’t wish what they are going through on anyone. I just find it so odd that when it was me that was going through something this person was someone who could’ve showed a morsel of empathy, but chose not to – and now they have to experience first hand what I went through with someone they love.
It’s so strange how the universe connects every single one of us.
The Girl Without A Face 